by Mewtwo Fri Apr 29, 2016 9:37 am
@ShadowCharizardEvaluation Result: Not Passed.
Your RP skills have shown marked improvement but you still have some trouble with tense, using past and present interchangeably within a sentence. Normally in third person this can be done but only if the event following or preceding the tense matches. You have several instances I noticed within the RP that you would use the wrong tense.
Your sentence structures also lack the level I would look for in Elite ranking. You more than hold your Ace rank, but for Elite I would expect more descriptive text and longer sentence structures. Your writing tends to be somewhat choppy and concise, leaving very little description except what is given through speech or exposition. An old helpful reminder I learned in school was "Show, don't Tell" to help me remember to be more descriptive.
This link may help you understand descriptive writing a bit better, though if you search for 'descriptive writing examples' you will also get some ideas on how to improve this aspect.
Lastly, your profiles. They are incredibly basic and go hand in hand with the subject I mentioned on descriptive writing. I want to feel like I know your characters before they enter the RP, that is what profiles are for. Of course we all want to develop them further while in the actual team but starting out with a near blank slate can make for very dull intros and hinders more than helps a character's growth. You want to have an idea in mind when entering a team so that you can develop them along that path, and if you do have that idea you should reflect it in the personality and history of your characters. It not only benefits your team to know who and what they will be RPing with, but it will help you remember the direction you wanted your character to take if for some reason down the road you begin to question whether or not something is what your character would actually do.
Just a few things to keep in mind as you continue to develop. You are a good writer Shadow, just not quite there yet for Elite level. I encourage you to keep working as hard as you have been and keep improving. You will get there.
Last edited by Mewtwo on Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:32 pm; edited 1 time in total