
Mount Silver [Base]||Afternoon (76)
"Red, I..." The crushed soldier lifted his head at his name, crimson eyes bright with new, exhausted tears on his old rival. He looked to be at a loss, but Red couldn't necessarily blame him. "You don't deserve to just be left here." Bewildered, Red could only blink as Blue flustered through his words. But last night... Blue had rightfully called Red out on his sins, had rightfully declared the other a monster and a murderer, though Red hadn't acknowledges the retraction of those words that very same night. He couldn't understand that Blue's remission had been sincere instead of simple lip service in order to quell Red's ungodly and ugly weeping. Red listened quietly, however, as Blue slowly poured out his own heart.
"And, even if I did want to go, I left them, my family...I didn't even try to get back to Pallet. Mom, Daisy, my granddad-they should have been the ones I went to first. But I didn't. And now I might not ever see them again. Hell, you're the first person from before that I've seen this entire time." Red's gaze turned almost sympathetic as the twinge in Blue's voice was suddenly audible. He was trying -and failing- to fight back the sorrow. "I was a coward. I ran. I ran from humanity, I ran from my family, I even let Pokemon that trusted me be released into the wild, because I wasn't fast enough to reach them in time." Red said nothing still, allowing his old rival to finish.
"I don't deserve a safe place...and they might not even take me back. Lance, whoever the hell else is at the Plateau, I don't know. Even if my family's there, they'll just see me as...as the coward I am." Though Red didn't blame Blue for running, it certainly seemed Blue did. Red's stare was pulled down to the craggy earth in shame, as he'd already thrown the word "coward" at Blue a number of times in their short travel together. He'd been harsh and angry, if only because old habits die hard and he'd been expecting the same from Blue. "I want to help you, Red. I wouldn't be here if I didn't, but...if you don't want me to stay, then my Pokemon and I, we'll go."
It didn't escape Red that their sorrows, at least when put vaguely, sounded very similar. They were both running, in a sense, from the sins they committed. They both couldn't face those sins and both felt undeserving of forgiveness or peace. A moment of lucidity granted Red much-needed perspective, allowing him a glimpse of Blue's own tempestuous guilt and regret. He hadn't straight out murdered his friends and family, but abandoning them in a time like the apocalypse was nearly as bad, and Red couldn't be selfish enough to make this moment into a contest. He swallowed against the lump in his own throat, his mind going back to Blue's words.
Did he want them to leave? He'd always been an introvert, to be sure, and thus had always valued his solitude. But that was when he still had access to his pokemon, his only friends, as well as the occasional visit from Blue and Daisy. For four years, he'd been bereft of that companionship, locked away in a bunker with nothing but a bunch of guns and a madman. And in the few spare moments he had been alone, his own conscience had ruthlessly attacked him and nearly driven him to suicide. His hand went to Pikachu's... Pika's... pokeball and rested on it a moment, his thoughts jumping to his other pokeballs in his pack. He had to give them some closure, at least. He owed them that much.
Red's hand went from the empty, bloodied ball on his side to his other arm, clinging to it due to an old habit originated in his youth as he slowly made his way to Blue, head still hanging in shame. He had to admit it to himself; he didn't want Blue leaving. He didn't want to be so utterly alone anymore, to be friendless and overburdened with his crushing guilt on his own. He couldn't stay strong any longer, not after four grueling, soul-shattering years of a numbness he didn't want to return to. While he had been little else other than miserable in Blue's company, it'd been the most emotion he'd felt in that long.
And... to be completely honest... it was good to feel again.
Red closed the gap between them slowly, his head never coming up to show Blue his face and instead lightly bumping against Blue's chest once he was close enough. He stood and leaned gently against the other man, his free hand delicately clinging to Blue's dumb jacket as, once more, he struggled with words. 'I'm sorry. I'm a moron. I was too selfish to see. Don't go. Please don't leave me.' His options all sounded hollow and dishonest and it nearly sickened him. He debated on them a moment before throwing the idea of speaking out the window, instead opting for his normal means of communication. His arms soon quickly snapped at Blue's torso in a fierce hug, clinging to his rival's jacket in a desperate, mute bid to convey his answer. Red buried his face into Blue's chest, an action that was becoming a little too commonplace, in an attempt to smother the tears that were no doubt falling.
Please don't go...
I don't want to be alone again.
Please...
Don't leave me...
You're my...
...only friend now...