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Eli; aka, attacking myself

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Abysswalker
Elite
Elite

Age : 19
Posts : 1415

Eli; aka, attacking myself

Post by Abysswalker on Sun Jan 21, 2018 5:15 am


i wouldn't recommend reading if you're in a good mood tbh





Elias
Text Color 8b873c
Theme(s) Save Rock and Roll [Fall Out Boy] | Audience of One [Rise Against]
Item
•Not sure if I'm giving him a universal communicator. A pair of headphones, mostly just for sentimentality. His old phone, battery long dead.
•The usual survival stuff I don't feel like listing right now. Food, water, tools, the works.
•Lots of hair clips, bobby pins.
Weapons •His Jolteon. Not sure if I'm adding anything else.
Biological Sex Avoiding this part like the plague
Gender Identity He|Him
Birthdate January 16th
Age 19
Species Human
Weight 103 lbs
Height 5'5"
Region of origin Kalos
Occupation High school student. In his old life, anyways.
Party Prince used to belong to his sibling (haven't decided gender) and ended up bonding with him after their death when he was around seven years old.
Pkm 1

Name: Prince
Gender: Male
Text colour: 2e4565
Species: Jolteon
Level: 41
Ability: Volt Absorb
Attack list:
-Charge Beam (TM)
-Thunder Wave (Level)
-Shadow Ball (TM)
-Endure (Bred)
Pkm 2
Pkm 3
Pkm 4
Pkm 5
Pkm 6
Quote They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
History HISTORY
Accent (I don't fill this field out anymore tbqh)
Appearance

•skinny. unhealthily so. already had a smaller body type before the epidemic; not skeletal, but definitely on the path to it
•hair couldn't decide if it wanted to stay blond or go completely brown and ended up an ugly hybrid of both in the end. very choppy, uneven, painfully unprofessional cut
•so awkward about showing his teeth and smiling in general that he looks perpetually unhappy, and even when trying to smile, it typically turns to an uncomfortable half-frown  
•ugly white boy. and when I say white I really do mean his skin tone is fucking paste, like he avoids sunlight. has a terrible sleep schedule which gives him obvious, unappealing dark bags under his eyes
•has an ugly habit of chewing his nails and the skin of his fingers. it doesn't give him a good look. also has compulsions focused on tearing out his own eyelashes and eyebrows which only add to his off-putting appearance
•major height insecurity thanks to only being five feet five inches.
•wears an olive green hoodie that's too big for him. under that is a blue t-shirt with the word 'Kalos' on it. also wears baggy jeans worn grey sneakers that have faded orange laces, and plain white socks.

Religion Doesn't have a religion. There are no deities he worships. Still, he is fairly superstitious. Believes he has a certain curse he cannot escape until his likely early death.
Personality

•May act emotional or talk as if he's very empathetic and understanding, but don't let this fool you. Eli is no more capable of feeling or comprehending the wider range of human emotions than he is capable of lifting a Golem. His two non-artificial moods can be simplified down to: irritated/angry or numb. Is adept at faking other emotions and is often seen as an outgoing, social, lovely person, but all of it is simply a product of him attempting to manipulate others into liking him. Or desperately wanting to be loved. On that note, incapable of truly loving anyone, whether platonically or romantically.

•Because the majority of his personality is very shallow and false, Eli is actually very boring. There's very little substance to his words, and he rarely has any interesting thoughts or ideas, especially in comparison to the company he prefers to keep. A disposable person in general. If he were to disappear, you probably wouldn't notice the difference. There's simply nothing about him worth caring about.

•Wants to be anyone except himself (for good reason). The major reason he fakes so much of his personality is that he's attempting to be other people, especially the ones he admires or sees as being "good". Gets incredibly discouraged if he feels he's not reaching these standards, and has a strong inferiority complex. Always comparing himself to others over...pretty much everything.

•Gets pissed off very easily, though he tries to kick the anger into the dirt of his mind instead of, you know, taking it out on other people. Doesn't always work. Not always healthy. But he has a bit of an obsession with being a "good person" (hint: he's not), which to him involves not being angry, ever. Not offended, not upset, and certainly not frustrated. To do so would mean he's a failure of a human being.

•His self-hatred is so ingrained within him that no matter how much he theoretically might be told that others love him, or want him to be around, he simply cannot accept it. His mind cannot embrace the idea that other people might actually see his existence as worthwhile, and has an unhealthy tendency to interpret and even twist what others say in order to validate that same self-loathing. In a nutshell: unhealthily biased against himself. His own worst enemy for very good reasons.

•In a way, he's highly selfish: Eli becomes jealous when he's not included in other people's conversations, even when there's no real reason to involve him, and he tends to resort to cynical answers-"obviously nobody wants me around", for instance. Other people have good reasons to feel this way, but in his case, it's just attention-seeking. Definitely both self-sabotaging and harsh in assigning his perceived intentions to other people.

•Really likes turning his own insecurities and mental issues into jokes, both as a way to cope and-perhaps subconsciously-to make it so nobody ever takes them seriously. It's not often he outright voices when he's hurt by what other people say, preferring to internalize the emotions no matter what they may be-anger, shame, inadequacy, et cetera. Passive aggressive, often to an extreme. Wields guilt like a fucking weapon. Calling him manipulative probably isn't incorrect.

many other things that make him a shitty person that I don't feel like typing up right now
Affiliations None
User Notes •Vent vent vent because oh boy do I hate myself
•He's not exactly certain of his sexuality but is very likely gay instead of bi. At the very least, he's not straight. At all. And god only knows when or if I'll decide whether he's cis or trans.
•Quote section comes from another Rise Against song, The Approaching Curve


_________________

I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.
I want that star, I want it now,
I want it all, and I don't care how.

    Current date/time is Sun Jun 24, 2018 6:43 am